The only severance package you will ever be offered that you actually want.
Awaiting sign-off from Finance.
For everyone who has been CC’d, bumped, flagged as urgent and gently reminded. Reply to all of it, out loud.
“You reply-all the way a sprinkler waters a parking lot: everyone gets wet and nothing grows.”
Pending budget approval.
For everyone who commuted an hour to join a video call from a worse chair. Comes with pizza instead of a raise.
“A pizza party instead of a raise is like a high five instead of a parachute.”
Awaiting sign-off from Finance.